3 Ways to Encounter Your Personal Values.

“Values are like fingerprints. No one has the same ones, but you leave them behind in everything you do.” — Elvis Presley.

One must let the sentence take effect first. At first the thought seems charming: There is something that makes us unique as human beings. Something that we leave behind with our actions. Something that describes us and shows who we are. And why we do something.

At this point I start to question myself:
Nobody should have the same values? How is that possible? How many values can there actually be?

The topic of personal values and value concepts has been with me for a very long time. The idea that every person has an inner individual compass that gives direction in difficult times, helps with decisions and expresses one’s own self-confidence in action is simply brilliant. To understand what drives me within, what has priority in my life and what I give my actions a certain direction for, seems incredibly valuable to me.

So, how do you do it? How do you identify your own values?

Do you just know them? Feel them?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.

For me, personally, in order to be able to identify one’s own personal values, it is important to first define what a value exactly is. That’s the point in this story where I get to quote one of my personal (s)heros, Brené Brown:

„A value is a way of being or believing that we hold most important.“
(Brown — Dare to lead — 2018, p. 186).

According to Brown, a value is a way of life or a belief that is most important to us or reflects what is most important to us. Brown further describes that living by our values requires a lot of work and many people have not yet taken the time to do it (see ibid.). To live by our values, she guides the reader through the following steps:

1. Identify Values — “We Can’t Live into Values That We Can’t Name”
2. Behavior by Values — “Taking Values from BS to Behavior”
3. Getting Support — “Empathy and Self-Compassion”

She begins the steps with the task of identifying her own values. There is a list of values presented and the following short instructions for this:

„[…] choose one or two values–the beliefs that are most important and dear to you, that help you find your way in the dark, that fill you with a feeling of purpose” (Brown 2018, p.189).

You should therefore choose one or two values that are most important to you, that show you the way in the dark and give you a sense of purpose.

At this point, as a systemic coach, I am somewhat lost. Although she writes that you should now choose a value, she does not give any help on how to actively make this decision.

This is exactly why the present article came to life.
To answer the question: How do you determine your own personal values?

Well, here are the good news: There are several ways to do it and I introduce three of them right now. And I will give you an example of how you can apply it yourself.

I. Positive Prioritization (+)
II. Negative Prioritization (—)
III. Pairwise Comparison (vs.)

Okay, the first one is kind of a no-brainer. And also most frequently used in my research on the topic: prioritisation.
You are usually given an overview list with a large number of value terms. You can easily google that or take the one from Brené Brown. That’s completely up to you. Got it? Good. Now, you can follow two variants in the further course of the identification: prioritize positive and negative.

For the positive variant, proceed as follows:
In the first step, an initial selection of, for example, 30 value terms is chosen from the overview list of values, with which you can identify and which are personally important to you. Once this sorting has taken place, the identified values are noted separately (1st step).

Example for positive priorization — 1st, 2nd, and 3rd step — from left to right. (Picture backround: Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash)

Now go through the new, shorter list of values concept by concept and mark which of the remaining values are of very high importance to you personally (2nd step). After this step, the marked values are looked through again and reduced again to e.g. ten by positive prioritisation (3rd step).

This type of review is now carried out once or twice more until you reach the desired number of values at the end. Finite Incantatem— here you go! (Potterheads will know…).

For the negative variant, proceed as follows:
The first step is to go through the overview list of values concept by concept. Any value that you do not consider absolutely important for yourself is now deleted. After this first sorting, the identified values are noted separately (see 1st step).

Example for negative priorization — 1st, 2nd, and 3rd step — from left to right. (Picture backround: Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash)

Now go through the new, shorter list of values concept by concept and again cross out the remaining values that are of rather minor importance compared to the other values for yourself (2nd step). Once these have been sorted out again, repeat this step until the desired number of values is reached.

Both variants of this method help to achieve a certain or desired number of values from the portfolio of values. A mixture of the variants could also be used, depending on what suits you best.

As a point of criticism of this method, however, it should be noted that each value must be viewed and one is also strongly predetermined by the portfolio itself. In addition, the result of prioritization or rather derivation does not really show any order or weighting of the values.

BUT: This can be achieved with the next method — pairwise comparison.

The book “A good plan” by Lenarz & Glimbovski presents a valuable method of finding values. The authors first explain that it is important to define for yourself what you believe in and what you stand for. So, similar to prioritizing, a list of values is given as inspiration.

This is followed by instructions in four steps, with which you can identify your own values (Lenarz & Glimbovski 2019, pp. 10–11). The steps are divided as follows:

1. Identify: Selection of twelve values from a complete list
2. Hold on: Note the twelve values one below the other (in no order)
3. Prioritize: Pairwise comparison of the values to determine the most
4. Tighten up: Write down the three most important values as a compass

In the first step, you select twelve values from an overall list that are most important to you. Note these values on a separate sheet of paper (2nd step). Important! → The values have no particular order or priorization here.
Next, you compare all the values in pairs (3rd step). Piece of cake, right?

To do this, select the first value on the list and compare it with value 2 — the more important of the two gets a point. This can be collected e.g. as a tally sheet behind the value (see step 4).
Then compare the first value on the list with the third value, then with the fourth value, and so on. Once you have compared the first value with the other eleven values, you start again: this time with the second value against the third value, the fourth value, and so on. Once you compared all the values in pairs, next thing you need to do is adding up the total points and — voila — you just weight your values and created an order for you (see step 4).

What’s the take-away?

Let me tell you something: we often underestimate the value of a first step, like beginning to understand something about yourself. Instead, we are in a hurry to get all the answers immediately — to skip the process. But, by focusing on the goal and not on the way there, we often forget that life is a journey. And every journey begins with what? A first step.

Hopefully, this right here will inspire you somehow, support you or just make you shake your head.

Next time you think about how to be your authentic self, remember, that you set your own individual compass.

And of course: Elvis is right.

Stay healthy and kind.